ahhh.....

oh, the joy of a quiet morning!
For some reason, no one is awake yet but me...
so here I am...
good hot coffee in hand..
sun streaming in the window...
smiling at the quiet.
I love Saturdays.
I love waking up and thinking its time to get up
then realizing it's Saturday and I can just relax
....so I get up anyway and here I am....

perseverence

Perseverance.....
to stick with something,
to not give up,
to hold on all the way through,
to hang in there.
Today I need to remember to persevere.
It is so hard sometimes.
In Sunday School, part of our lesson was on perseverance.
Probably just for me - I am the one that needs it I think.
We talked about keeping with something - being committed to it.
The hardest part maybe is the hump in the middle.
When you've gotten through a lot of it, but there is a lot to go.
The end really isn't in sight yet.
So many areas of my life feel like that right now.
I have put in a lot of time and effort.........
but there is a lot more to do.
I know I can't give up, but to tell the truth,
I feel like it sometimes.
My mom always says that I get in this funk in the middle of winter
(which by the way is one of the 'humps')
I guess I do, which should give me hope,
since I always get through it...
Spring really does come!!!!
But now it ISN"T spring -
There are other struggles besides spring though
I am discouraged today over homeschooling.
It just feels like some things are so hard in coming,
like we're running in place.
I need to see progress is being made.
but then.......
I look more closely and there it is
progress!!
I sometimes focus on one area, or some struggle
and forget to look at all the other areas
To see the big picture
(and the big picture holds way more than academics)
Just writing this out has helped
I am reminded why I do this all in the first place,
and that fills me with peace.
I AM where I need to be and want to be
I CAN persevere
I love the work of the Holy Spirit
I love the feel of HOPE

brothers

So, in the kitchen right now are Mark and Tommy. they are playing a rousing game of basketball with nerf balls and a plastic hoop on the front door. They are having a blast....laughing and competing.
Constant trash talk to each other, friendly but fierce.
It cracks me up.
Steph and Mark came over tonight to hang out - and so Mark could play with his little brother...well Tommy is in heaven.
Hallie and Steph are pretty happy together too.
Nights like this make me fizz....as Tommy says about anything that is particularly heartwarming.
It is loud and the house is a mess and there is nowhere to escape for quiet - but it is perfect.
I am so thankful that the boys love to be together.
Even the 23 year old and the 11 year old.
Tommy has been doted on since the day he was born and it is cool to see that hasn't stopped.
My heart sings.

oh, the privilege of prayer

We seem very entrenched in winter right now...a good bit of it has passed, but there is quite a bit left too. The groundhog, yesterday, said that there would be 6 more weeks. Well there is a surprise, ha. Since when would winter in northern Wisconsin not last until late March if not into April? Which would mean more like 7-8 more weeks...I guess I can hope that the groundhog is right, that there is ONLY 6 more weeks :)
I can get a bit wistful this time of year, remembering what it is like in the spring and sighing. I keep trying to imagine what it is like deep down under the snow. I know that my grass and flowers and dirt are down there somewhere. Sleeping. Hope they are having sweet dreams of bursting forth in a couple of months - I am ready to welcome them!!
We have been working on taxes and financial aid. Always a winter favorite. Whew, good thing we know that God is in control of it all. We are just going through the steps to do our part. I know He will do the rest. I look back now on the past 6 years of having the boys in college...2 of the years with both of them in college at the same time. I was so overwhelmed at first and couldn't imagine how we could ever afford this whole venture. It seemed insurmountable. What is so amazing now is looking back and seeing God's provision over and over again. They both got through!! They have some debt, but not the crushing debt that many have. God was so gracious as He provided through love and sacrifice. I am not as overwhelmed now with Hal. I have seen Gods faithfulness and I am not going to live in doubt now. I know that things will work out just as God wants them to and our part is to trust. What a blessed relief.
God keeps working on me. I am so thankful for His methodical, faithful, loving teaching. He is teaching me about prayer lately. I am reading a book about praying for my adult children. It is so good. I am realizing what an important role I still have to play in their lives. I have struggled with letting them go as they have grown up. It is hard to give up the job of mothering, even though giving it up is kind of the point of it all. I am realizing that I don't have to really give it up, just change my role. Now I can be their prayer warrior. I have always prayed for my kids, but now I think the need is there even more. I feel like God is giving me back my chance to mother, only now from my knees. I can be a part of their every day life, even if they don't realize it. I can cover them with prayer and that perhaps is the greatest gift I will ever give them. I love that God keeps entrusting me with more and more.
What I realize too is that I have been prayed over as well. I know that my mom has prayed for me over all of my life. I can see the evidence of her prayers everywhere. I would not be where I am today were it not for the prayers of my parents and grandparents and others that have loved me enough to pray for me. I think of the times (many) when God reached out and rescued me from situations I was in - ones where I could either not see how to get out, or I was too blind to see that I needed to get out...and I know that somewhere someone was praying for me. And that through their prayers, I was rescued. That is so incredibly humbling. I am so very grateful.
I want to get to the end of my life and KNOW that my children were prayed for, not just by others but by ME, their mom. I want to know that I was faithful in that one thing if nothing else. Hannah in the Old Testament said of Samuel, 'For this child I prayed'....I want to be able to say that too.
'For these children, I prayed'
I am thankful for the privilege, and awed at the trust God has put in me.