I can get a bit wistful this time of year, remembering what it is like in the spring and sighing. I keep trying to imagine what it is like deep down under the snow. I know that my grass and flowers and dirt are down there somewhere. Sleeping. Hope they are having sweet dreams of bursting forth in a couple of months - I am ready to welcome them!!
We have been working on taxes and financial aid. Always a winter favorite. Whew, good thing we know that God is in control of it all. We are just going through the steps to do our part. I know He will do the rest. I look back now on the past 6 years of having the boys in college...2 of the years with both of them in college at the same time. I was so overwhelmed at first and couldn't imagine how we could ever afford this whole venture. It seemed insurmountable. What is so amazing now is looking back and seeing God's provision over and over again. They both got through!! They have some debt, but not the crushing debt that many have. God was so gracious as He provided through love and sacrifice. I am not as overwhelmed now with Hal. I have seen Gods faithfulness and I am not going to live in doubt now. I know that things will work out just as God wants them to and our part is to trust. What a blessed relief.
God keeps working on me. I am so thankful for His methodical, faithful, loving teaching. He is teaching me about prayer lately. I am reading a book about praying for my adult children. It is so good. I am realizing what an important role I still have to play in their lives. I have struggled with letting them go as they have grown up. It is hard to give up the job of mothering, even though giving it up is kind of the point of it all. I am realizing that I don't have to really give it up, just change my role. Now I can be their prayer warrior. I have always prayed for my kids, but now I think the need is there even more. I feel like God is giving me back my chance to mother, only now from my knees. I can be a part of their every day life, even if they don't realize it. I can cover them with prayer and that perhaps is the greatest gift I will ever give them. I love that God keeps entrusting me with more and more.
What I realize too is that I have been prayed over as well. I know that my mom has prayed for me over all of my life. I can see the evidence of her prayers everywhere. I would not be where I am today were it not for the prayers of my parents and grandparents and others that have loved me enough to pray for me. I think of the times (many) when God reached out and rescued me from situations I was in - ones where I could either not see how to get out, or I was too blind to see that I needed to get out...and I know that somewhere someone was praying for me. And that through their prayers, I was rescued. That is so incredibly humbling. I am so very grateful.
I want to get to the end of my life and KNOW that my children were prayed for, not just by others but by ME, their mom. I want to know that I was faithful in that one thing if nothing else. Hannah in the Old Testament said of Samuel, 'For this child I prayed'....I want to be able to say that too.
'For these children, I prayed'
I am thankful for the privilege, and awed at the trust God has put in me.
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