becoming a mom

Today is a good day.
24 years ago today, I officially became a mom.
I could argue that I became a mom 9 months earlier than that.....
but April 8 is when I got to hold my very own baby for the 1st time.
I still remember what an awesome feeling that was.
For as long as I can remember,
that is what I wanted...
to be a mom
Now, I finally was
Mark was so beautiful
and so soft
and smelled so good.
He fit in my arms so perfectly.
I fell in love with every thing about him
I fell deeper in love every passing moment
I guess I still do.
I thank God for that little baby and for the man he has become
It has been a priviledge and an honor.
Happy Birthday Mark,
I truely truely love you.
Mom

healing water

Tommy and I took a chance
and drove over to our favorite beach..
Yea! the ice was out up there!! 
The bay by us is still frozen,
but the beach is not as sheltered, nearer open water...
there, the ice was out! 
I can't even put in words what it does to me
to see WATER after the long months of ice. 
Growing up by the ocean,
I learned to find healing and rest by the water
There is something about gazing at the far horizon
and hearing the rhythm of the waves
and feeling small - yet a part of...
When the winter cold freezes the lake
it suddenly feels confined
and rigid
and unforgiving
When the ice goes out
it is like an old friend has made it home
I think I breathe easier
I know I find peace.
Once again, I find a reason to rejoice in spring!
And thank God for His faithfulness.

With all creation, I sing, Praise to the King of Kings

Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come.
With all creation, I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everythiing
and I will adore You.

If you could see the day dawning outside of my window
The sun streaming over the trees
you would certainly see creation singing praises to the King of Kings.

All I want is to join in the song.

It is a perfectly beautiful day outside. 
Just a hint of green here and there - one small snow pile on the north side of the pine trees
The frosty start is giving way to a rising thermometer - should get into the 50's
Tom and I decided it has to be a day off.
The day is calling us outside.

There would be no less glory in spring without the winter -
but winter makes me appreciate it more...
so I am thankful for the cold forbidding days...
and now I Rejoice in SPRING!!!

It's all in the serve

Michael W. Smith has a song called "All in the Serve"
I like the song, but mostly I appreciate the truth there.
It IS all in the serve.
When I am given an opportunity by God to serve someone
I am overcome...overwhelmed with gratitude
and feel, then more than any other time,
that I am fulfilled -
I am doing what I was created to do.
I was given such an opportunity today,
and I have to admit,
it is such a blessing that it is hard to call it service.
What may have been a 'normal' day
is now an extraordinary day
Here is what really puts me in awe though -
Matthew 20:28 says

"...just as the Son of Man did not come to be served,

but to SERVE,

and to give His life a ransom for many."
Chris came to serve us.
How can that be?
The very creator of the world, 
came to serve those He created.
AND THEN
I think about how I feel when I serve someone
and dare to begin to imagine that Christ would feel the same 
toward serving ME...
That not only does He bend down to help and comfort and see me through
but it brings Him JOY.  
Once again, I am overwhelmed and broken by His grace.

Wow, another sunny day in March in Wisconsin!!
Go SUN!!!
It may even reach the 40's today.
I'll have to open the doors and air out the house :)
Tommy is outside in shorts, carving into the remains of the igloo and eating icicles.
It feels like spring is coming
...though I have lived here long enough
to know that that is not true...yet.
We may have a storm on Monday, but for today it is beautiful.
One thing so nice about this time of year,
is that when the sun IS out,
you can feel it.
In the dead of winter, it shines,
but doesn't really give us heat we can feel
If I am by the window today, the warmth is wonderful.
It is so good to know that even though winter is long -
Spring comes.
Every year.
God is faithful.

sanctuary

I read a line in a book today (An Untroubled Heart by Micca Campbell)
She said "Whether God provides (what we are praying for) or simply (provides) the strength to endure, we have a place to run and find rest in His sanctuary until the storm passes"
That brings so many images into my mind.
It makes me think of being caught in a sudden storm and running to shelter and how good it feels to be 'in'....
or of playing tag and reaching home base before you're tagged and feeling so relieved.
I think of when you are little and hurt or afraid and running to mom or dad and being wrapped in their arms and pulled onto their lap and suddenly knowing all is well - someone else is there to take over and be strong and find strength and comfort and love.
I think of being married and turning to face all the loved ones there and holding the hand of the one who will now see you through it all - the feeling of belonging and strength and resolve that now you can see whatever through.
All these are what God wants us to feel about being with Him and being in His presence.
He wants us to live there in His presence.....continually ....to find rest and peace and relief and safety and freedom from fear and strength and resolve to face whatever there is - under the shelter of His arms. His shadow - His covering over us.
When you were little and someone was chasing you and you ran to your dad and he stood ready to face and take on whomever. He pushed you behind him and stood strong between you and your pursuer. You weren't afraid anymore because daddy had you. He stood in the gap and nothing was going to get you.
(that whole 'my daddy is better than your daddy' thing...well, our 'daddy' is God for heaven sake - there is no comparison)
That is where we are with God.
We are in safety.
He has us.
Nothing is going to get us.
He is BIG
He is ABLE
He is WILLING
He is before us and around us.
Stay with Him - He has us covered.
"don't be afraid," He says
Listen to Him
Listen to Joshua 1:9...Really Listen
Take it in
Believe it.
Joshua 1:9
"Have I not told you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

ahhh.....

oh, the joy of a quiet morning!
For some reason, no one is awake yet but me...
so here I am...
good hot coffee in hand..
sun streaming in the window...
smiling at the quiet.
I love Saturdays.
I love waking up and thinking its time to get up
then realizing it's Saturday and I can just relax
....so I get up anyway and here I am....

perseverence

Perseverance.....
to stick with something,
to not give up,
to hold on all the way through,
to hang in there.
Today I need to remember to persevere.
It is so hard sometimes.
In Sunday School, part of our lesson was on perseverance.
Probably just for me - I am the one that needs it I think.
We talked about keeping with something - being committed to it.
The hardest part maybe is the hump in the middle.
When you've gotten through a lot of it, but there is a lot to go.
The end really isn't in sight yet.
So many areas of my life feel like that right now.
I have put in a lot of time and effort.........
but there is a lot more to do.
I know I can't give up, but to tell the truth,
I feel like it sometimes.
My mom always says that I get in this funk in the middle of winter
(which by the way is one of the 'humps')
I guess I do, which should give me hope,
since I always get through it...
Spring really does come!!!!
But now it ISN"T spring -
There are other struggles besides spring though
I am discouraged today over homeschooling.
It just feels like some things are so hard in coming,
like we're running in place.
I need to see progress is being made.
but then.......
I look more closely and there it is
progress!!
I sometimes focus on one area, or some struggle
and forget to look at all the other areas
To see the big picture
(and the big picture holds way more than academics)
Just writing this out has helped
I am reminded why I do this all in the first place,
and that fills me with peace.
I AM where I need to be and want to be
I CAN persevere
I love the work of the Holy Spirit
I love the feel of HOPE

brothers

So, in the kitchen right now are Mark and Tommy. they are playing a rousing game of basketball with nerf balls and a plastic hoop on the front door. They are having a blast....laughing and competing.
Constant trash talk to each other, friendly but fierce.
It cracks me up.
Steph and Mark came over tonight to hang out - and so Mark could play with his little brother...well Tommy is in heaven.
Hallie and Steph are pretty happy together too.
Nights like this make me fizz....as Tommy says about anything that is particularly heartwarming.
It is loud and the house is a mess and there is nowhere to escape for quiet - but it is perfect.
I am so thankful that the boys love to be together.
Even the 23 year old and the 11 year old.
Tommy has been doted on since the day he was born and it is cool to see that hasn't stopped.
My heart sings.

oh, the privilege of prayer

We seem very entrenched in winter right now...a good bit of it has passed, but there is quite a bit left too. The groundhog, yesterday, said that there would be 6 more weeks. Well there is a surprise, ha. Since when would winter in northern Wisconsin not last until late March if not into April? Which would mean more like 7-8 more weeks...I guess I can hope that the groundhog is right, that there is ONLY 6 more weeks :)
I can get a bit wistful this time of year, remembering what it is like in the spring and sighing. I keep trying to imagine what it is like deep down under the snow. I know that my grass and flowers and dirt are down there somewhere. Sleeping. Hope they are having sweet dreams of bursting forth in a couple of months - I am ready to welcome them!!
We have been working on taxes and financial aid. Always a winter favorite. Whew, good thing we know that God is in control of it all. We are just going through the steps to do our part. I know He will do the rest. I look back now on the past 6 years of having the boys in college...2 of the years with both of them in college at the same time. I was so overwhelmed at first and couldn't imagine how we could ever afford this whole venture. It seemed insurmountable. What is so amazing now is looking back and seeing God's provision over and over again. They both got through!! They have some debt, but not the crushing debt that many have. God was so gracious as He provided through love and sacrifice. I am not as overwhelmed now with Hal. I have seen Gods faithfulness and I am not going to live in doubt now. I know that things will work out just as God wants them to and our part is to trust. What a blessed relief.
God keeps working on me. I am so thankful for His methodical, faithful, loving teaching. He is teaching me about prayer lately. I am reading a book about praying for my adult children. It is so good. I am realizing what an important role I still have to play in their lives. I have struggled with letting them go as they have grown up. It is hard to give up the job of mothering, even though giving it up is kind of the point of it all. I am realizing that I don't have to really give it up, just change my role. Now I can be their prayer warrior. I have always prayed for my kids, but now I think the need is there even more. I feel like God is giving me back my chance to mother, only now from my knees. I can be a part of their every day life, even if they don't realize it. I can cover them with prayer and that perhaps is the greatest gift I will ever give them. I love that God keeps entrusting me with more and more.
What I realize too is that I have been prayed over as well. I know that my mom has prayed for me over all of my life. I can see the evidence of her prayers everywhere. I would not be where I am today were it not for the prayers of my parents and grandparents and others that have loved me enough to pray for me. I think of the times (many) when God reached out and rescued me from situations I was in - ones where I could either not see how to get out, or I was too blind to see that I needed to get out...and I know that somewhere someone was praying for me. And that through their prayers, I was rescued. That is so incredibly humbling. I am so very grateful.
I want to get to the end of my life and KNOW that my children were prayed for, not just by others but by ME, their mom. I want to know that I was faithful in that one thing if nothing else. Hannah in the Old Testament said of Samuel, 'For this child I prayed'....I want to be able to say that too.
'For these children, I prayed'
I am thankful for the privilege, and awed at the trust God has put in me.