A new adventure

Two years ago, January 2009, our precious exchange student, 
Terka, came to stay with us.
That ended up to be life changing and priceless
Tomorrow we will welcome Paloma to our home
Another exchange student.  
Another January family change.
I can't sleep tonight
I suppose because I am anxious about tomorrow.
I love the idea of her coming 
and expect that it will be a great thing - 
but the first few days are always a bit awkward -
polite and friendly and stange.
I just want Paloma to feel at home
to feel like she belongs.
That takes awhile. 
Steve knows Paloma already
She is a student of his
He really likes her and has a high opinion of her
Others too, have told me how nice she is
We have met her, but only briefly
Hallie and Tommy are both excited about her coming
We have her room all ready
We are all ready too
It has been kind of a drawn out process...
started back in November...
but after all the wondering
now the day is almost here.
I want to be able to meet her needs
and be a blessing to her
That is all that really matters to me
It has to be hard to be so far from home
I don't think I ever could have gone so far from home when I was in school - I don't suppose my mom and dad would have let me...
kind of like I don't think I could let my kids
(I am not willing to give up the time with them)
I have kept them home to teach them...
largely because I couldn't give up the time with them...
But here she is, far from home (Chile)
wanting to find her niche 
I wonder what God has in store for all of us?
I was reading about God being the God who sees us
El Roi
He sees us and know our needs and wants to fill them
He knows Paloma's needs
He knows the needs of our family
Somehow those have something to do with one another
He is bringing us together for a purpose
His purpose.
I am excited to be a part of His plan for Paloma
I am excited that she is part of His plan for us.
I'm sure that the next 6 months will be interesting 
and full of blessings
I pray that we will be faithful in following Him through 
whatever is ahead.  
I pray that through living with us, Paloma would learn much
about this God who loves her and sees her and cares.
On my wall there is a saying...
"Let me live in such a way that those who know me 
but don't know God will come to know God because they know me"
I guess that is what I pray
that whether or not Paloma knows God now or not
She will get to know Him by living with us.

Thankful

The wind is howling outside - 
what started out as a clear, calm day
has ended in cold and wind
But it is warm inside
and our house is unexpectedly full
well, not quite full, we're still missing one -
but she is coming in a couple of days.
Then we will be full..busy..loud..and cozy.
Thanksgiving.

autumn joy, my boy

October 19
23 years ago I was marveling at the new little boy
God had given to me
Ryan Paul
Mellow from the start
rosiest skin, softest hair, bluest eyes
He stole my heart from that first plaintive cry
and he's never really given it back.
No one could cuddle like that little boy
Now he is 23
and married
and far away
but near in my heart
and in my memories.
especially today when I remember his coming
and thank God for the privilege and joy and adventure
of being his mom.

my anchor holds

We should get our first frost tonight.
Frost has been forecast a couple of times before,
but tonight I think it will come
Steve was out picking what will turn out to be the last of the garden...
except for the root vegetables that are blanketed by the soil
A few tomatoes are safe in the garage -
but I guess I have had the last warm 'just picked' ones for the year
sad days
They probably taste all the better in the summer
because of the long wait...
I am kind of ready for the garden to lose it's pull
No more guilt over food left to be picked
I am sad to see summer go for good all the same
Even though I know the seasons will come and go
just as God says they will
It is always a bit hard to see the change
Well....the change from winter to sping isn't hard
- at all -
I sure see, more and more as the years go by...
that life is just plain full of change.
Ryan surprised us by coming home this weekend
Rachel has a lot of studying and he had some free time
so here he is.
That is a nice change!
Though with everyone here, it is a lively change.
and a temporary one.
We took our two horses to their new home today
That is not a temporary change
It is good ....and sad
It will be very strange to not have them here
To not hear their nickers when we go outside
To not have their horsey smell out in the barn
To not have their friendly faces and warm brown eyes
    on the other side of the fence - hoping for a treat
But it is a change that we felt we needed to make
and they are with a new family who is so excited to have them
The horses seemed very happy and content in their new field...
not knowing that it was 'theirs'
but trusting that they were safe.
So now we have changed into a family without horses
but still with ducks and chickens and cats and a hermit crab...
and a the most wonderful dog I have ever known...
so it's all still good
And as we really transition into autumn tonight
with frosty nights that give way to frosty days
and frosty days that lead to ice and snow in the months to come
we always and for ever have our God
The one who gets us through the changes
and is the only UNchangeable part of our lives
His unchangingness is what gets me through
I can handle the things that are always in flux around me
when I can keep my eyes on Him
and know that that center doesn't move or change
He is the anchor to it all
and I am anchored to Him
humbling to ponder
it takes my breath away
but I am so grateful

another school year!

First week of school!
Three days into it....here we go again.
We have even had our first field trip -
this morning we went to Big Top Chautauqua up by Bayfield
There was a special performance of
"Abraham Lincoln's Living Legacy" put on by the Chautauqua perfomers.
It was great.
Lots of good music and narration
good reminders of who Lincoln was and what he means even today
...a bit of political editorial thrown in
but I guess I can ignore that - sort of
funny that a lot of it would have saddened Lincoln though....
well, on to school work.
Tom is working on his math
we are trying to do some placement drills
see what he remembers and what needs to be reviewed
where is a good place to start.
'the very beginning' while a 'very good place to start'...
it is not always the best place :)
Hal is off to her classes for the day
Steve is of course at school
The house is pretty quiet
but still seems busy none the less.
It is always sort of hard to get back into the routine of school
I have to make myself be organized and on task
I am more naturally slow in the morning and not great at planning ahead
Teaching my kids at home is a constant reigning in of that putsyness
To my benefit I am sure.
I kind of kick in mid morning and am much better by then
I think this will be a good year.
Having a 7th grader will be fun!
Tom is even pretty enthusiastic....
though some of that is for my benefit - thanks Tom
So here is to the year!!!

so long good buddy

After a lot of back and forth and 'what to do'
we decided that it is time to find new homes for our horses.
they just don't get the attention they need anymore.
not the easist decision.
With a bit of melancholy...
we said so long to our buddy Cocoa today.
He went to a great new home...
but he isn't here :(
We have had him, our pony, for 15 years
Tommy has never not had him out in the barn
Tommy actually wasn't thrilled with the decision,
but also doesn't spend much time with the horses
so understands - I guess
They have always been more 'Hallie Ann's horses'
though Cocoa has been kind of Tommy's
he is the one he can best ride...
but he needs to be ridden or driven more than every now and then -
So after harnessing him up and taking him for one more spin in the cart
and teaching the new owners the 'ropes'
he happily stepped into their trailer at our house
and later stepped out at a new farm
with a very happy little girl to welcome him
(Tommy said that he noticed that she didn't stop smiling
the whole time they were here picking Cocoa up -
that made him happy)
They called tonight and said he is doing great
already friends with their other 3 horses.
one is another pony...smaller than him
so now he gets to be 'big' for once.
I'll miss Cocoa
I'll miss his gentle brown eyes and soft muzzle
I'll miss his fuzzy heavy coat in winter
and his sleak fresh coat in the spring and summer
I'll miss him trotting to the barn to get grain or hay or greens
I'll miss saving my old bread for him (his favorite treat)
I'll even miss his stubborn streak
He was a very good friend
I bet the other two horses out in our barn are missing him too
Now he has plenty of clover and lots of attention
so he'll be fine
and so will we
but the barn will seem pretty empty without him.
Before long, hopefully we will find a home for the other two
hopefully together.
Then the barn will seem really empty
a part of our story will be ended
but a new part will start
and that will be good too.
So long good buddy - Cocoa
Thanks for being such a great little horse.
I hope you are VERY VERY happy at your new home
We'll come visit you sometime....

another day of letting go

I am up again in the wee hours of the morning
one of those nights when a million things
are whirling around in my head
and I just can't seem to quiet them.
I was challenged yesterday in my devotions
- to realize how completely God is directing my life
He is orchestrating it
I don't have to beg Him to lead me
He IS leading me.
as His child, I am in His care
and oh how tenderly He cares
that is a comfort right now,
especially when I think of those that I love
...but as I try to sleep tonight
I find myself fighting with fretful thoughts
about how some that I love are having to stuggle
I want to figure out a way to 'fix'  their stuggles
to reach in and make things easier
but that isn't my job anymore
never really was I suppose,
but for sure it isn't now.
so here I am acting like I doubt God's care for them
why do I struggle with the very thing that God is teaching me?
why now, after such clear teaching from the heart of God
about His faithful care and leading
do I begin to doubt the truth of it?
my heart doesn't doubt it
but my mind does
I toss and turn and worry
acting as if I don't beleive that God is watching out for them
when I know beyond a doubt
that their deepest desire is to follow and serve Him
is He not tenderly watching over them?
is he not carefully and purposefully leading them?
has He not shown this to be true
over and over and over.......
I absolutely know the answer to that
- absolutely.
so now, I have to let them go into His care.
another day of letting go.
another day of being reminded that I am not in charge
but One who is all wise
and all loving
and all knowing
IS

I want to know Him

I love normal.
there is something in us...or me anyway...
that likes it when things stay the same
at least the good things.
after so many weeks of busy and 'not normal'
this morning I woke up to a regular day
Steve is home from moving Ryan and Rachel,
all the busyness is over
today is 'just' a summer day in Wisconsin
(at least so far)
It isn't a normal day for one of my best friends
she wakes this morning as a new grandma
her first grandchild was born yesterday
thats a GOOD 'not normal'
but will forever now be her new normal.
BUT this regularness isn't really what I should be aiming for
as good as it feels, comfort really isn't the goal.
In 'My Utmost for His Highest',
Oswald Chambers, yesterday, said
'we are not here to enjoy a quiet spiritual retreat'
wow, ok, that is convicting.
I would love to live my life out in a quiet retreat.
but seriously, that can't be what I am here for! 
Paul realizes in the Philippians that the reason that he is here
is to know God.  That is it. 
and in striving, always to know Him...
to look for Him in every situation...
to seek His will and His purpose in all that I do...
to always be yearning to know Him more....
to surrender to Him in everything...
I will be pointing others to Him too.
The point isn't what I am doing,
but who I am doing it for.
The end result is not the goal, but the journey is.
We are so goal oriented in our society.
I know I am, I love my lists
but the end becomes the goal
and really, we live in the process not the finish.
and the process has everything to do with my
relationship with Christ.
I don't want to be so caught up in clinging to 'normal'
that I lose the journey that He wanted me to have
and that journey is following Him
down His path
wherever that may lead
and it will never be normal.
or ordinary
but He will be there
so that is where Iwant to be
seeking Him.

we have not gone this way before

I keep coming here to write,
and then leave having not really written anything
The past weeks - months I guess- have been so full and busy
Many things to think back on and ponder and sort through
Hard to put down in words I guess
On June 12th my Ryan married his sweetheart - Rachel
It was a beautiful wedding for two wonderful people
Now there is a new family!
The planning and orchestrating of the day
was really all Rachel and her mom's doing
They kept me up to date on the plans, but they did the leg work
and it was simply beautiful.
I was really pretty stressed early in the week of the wedding
It was a strange feeling, very anxious, which isn't really like me
Then as the week went on (and many prayers were said)
I felt a peace and comfort - a real change
and the rest of the week was fine.
Now, 3 weeks later, they have been home here for a couple of days
They honeymooned in Hawaii for 13 days and returned happy
and ready to push ahead with their future.
It has been great to see them
They are wonderfully different now
something amazing happens when two become one in marriage
their is a bond that is different
I just love the transition.
Mark and Steph have been over with them
and the family just feels good
Now Rachel is officially one of us and it feels more right.
I am so thankful that God is weaving all of this together
He has a plan and He is laying it out in front of us.
We don't really know where He is leading,
We have not gone this way before.
but we are trusting in the assurance that HE KNOWS
He HAS gone this way before -
so we just have to follow.
I heard a missionary speak recently about following God
on a road not familiar
How we have to have our focus not on the circumstances
but on God.
He said something to the effect that
When the road is a new one to us
remember - it is an old one to God
He has it all planned out -
and has had it planned from the beginning of time.
It is all familiar territory to Him.
Our family is branching off
and taking roads going in new and different directions-
Ryan and Rachel will leave soon for St. Louis
and a new home
and a new job (Ryan)
and Med School (Rachel)
and the next chapter of their life
Mark and Steph will continue to push ahead with their plans
and wait patiently for God's guidance and timing
Hallie Ann will start the adventure of college
Tommy and Steve and I will keep on following and trusting
It is all unknown and uncertain to us -
but none of it is unknown or uncertain to God
I am so glad that it isn't all about us
It IS all about God
This is all His story
I just have to let Him give me my next part day by day
After all the busy-ness of the this spring and summer
That is the best comfort that there is
Now, I just need a little peace and  quiet to re-charge
and then be ready for what ever is next.

pondering friendship

The end of a Saturday. 
It has been a pretty busy one, but now the dark has fallen and I can sit a bit.  Ryan and Rachel are on their way here for the shower tomorrow.  Mark is over waiting for Steph to pick him up after she has spent the evening with some friends.  Tom and Steve just came in from outside where they had a sort of fire in the fire ring...mostly debris from the yard...just a quick fire.  Hal and I have been working on her open house invitations.  The printer of course isn't working right...maybe a new cartridge will help.  I am too cheap to buy new ones very often.  I re-fill the ones I have till they don't work any more - and it looks like this one is ready for the garbage.  So, since that won't work, I'll just write for a while.
The thing most on my heart today is the value of friends.
I was reminded this week - yesterday actually - of the fragileness of friendship.
And the preciousness of it.
I determined many years ago that friendship was too important to hold lightly.
I realized that I was (am) so flawed
And so are the people around me.
I made a committment to be fierce in my friendships
to hold them as in a vice-grip
I would have bad days and get frustrated
so would my friends.
I had to determine ahead of time that I would forgive before an offense even took place.
I refuse to let misunderstandings, slipped words, bad days, slights or whatever to ruin
relationships that I hold dear.
I get so tired of seeing people turn their backs on people because of some small thing, or even a bigger thing. 
Not that there aren't times when you have to walk away...
but not easily...
not without thought
not without effort to repair and heal
Why do we assume the worst of those that we love?
Why do we feel free to find fault in others -
- constantly
but when we learn that someone is irritated with us,
or is offended by us,
we get so indignant and self-righteous.
So after events of the last few hours...I am more determined
I have felt helplessness and sorrow
I have felt regret and shame
and I have experienced healing -
the delight and relief of mended fences
the gift of easy forgiveness - love as it should be.
God gifts us with friendship
It is not a gift without cost -
but it is a gift of priceless worth
I am overcome with thankfulness.