Wednesday, October 28, 2009

a kind of longing

Oct. 27, 2009

Lots of things seem kind of up in the air and unsettled lately. There are still things to do to be ready for winter, and the weather is not being a help at all. Dreary fall weather came on us so suddenly a month ago and October has been as gloomy as September was beautiful.
Hallie Ann is struggling so much with her anatomy class - not from lack of studying or from great study habits, but from a class set up so differently than any she has ever had and not very student friendly. I don't say that to defend her struggle, but I know what a good student she is and how hard she works. She has always been at the top of her class and science has been one of her strong suits. This college internet class has been a boulder in her road....but God will use it, that I know. It is hard to see her spend so much time studying and applying herself, and then doing poorly on the test. I guess it happens to all of us sometime(s) on our journey.
The end of summer and the start of a school year is always an adjustment. Guess I am just not real settled at the moment. I feel a kind of longing. Longing for peace and for the fog to lift. The kind of longing that we as Christians always have surrounding our faith and our sojourn. We are fine here, sometimes struggling, sometimes not - but we long for our real home. Where we will have a real place. Where all that is a mystery will be revealed...all of our questions will be answered. The place where we really fit will be right where we are. Our real home will be our reality, not a dream and a hope. A place where God, who knows the answers to all of our wonderings, will share it all with us. That is the place I long for. Maybe one of the biggest reasons for my unsettledness is the uncertainty of where the hearts are of those around me. I want those I love to be there. It seems like it just won't be the same if they aren't there. How do I make them understand that there is a place for them. I want them there. God wants them there.