Friday, November 19, 2010


The wind is howling outside - 
what started out as a clear, calm day
has ended in cold and wind
But it is warm inside
and our house is unexpectedly full
well, not quite full, we're still missing one -
but she is coming in a couple of days.
Then we will be full..busy..loud..and cozy.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

autumn joy, my boy

October 19
23 years ago I was marveling at the new little boy
God had given to me
Ryan Paul
Mellow from the start
rosiest skin, softest hair, bluest eyes
He stole my heart from that first plaintive cry
and he's never really given it back.
No one could cuddle like that little boy
Now he is 23
and married
and far away
but near in my heart
and in my memories.
especially today when I remember his coming
and thank God for the privilege and joy and adventure
of being his mom.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

my anchor holds

We should get our first frost tonight.
Frost has been forecast a couple of times before,
but tonight I think it will come
Steve was out picking what will turn out to be the last of the garden...
except for the root vegetables that are blanketed by the soil
A few tomatoes are safe in the garage -
but I guess I have had the last warm 'just picked' ones for the year
sad days
They probably taste all the better in the summer
because of the long wait...
I am kind of ready for the garden to lose it's pull
No more guilt over food left to be picked
I am sad to see summer go for good all the same
Even though I know the seasons will come and go
just as God says they will
It is always a bit hard to see the change
Well....the change from winter to sping isn't hard
- at all -
I sure see, more and more as the years go by...
that life is just plain full of change.
Ryan surprised us by coming home this weekend
Rachel has a lot of studying and he had some free time
so here he is.
That is a nice change!
Though with everyone here, it is a lively change.
and a temporary one.
We took our two horses to their new home today
That is not a temporary change
It is good ....and sad
It will be very strange to not have them here
To not hear their nickers when we go outside
To not have their horsey smell out in the barn
To not have their friendly faces and warm brown eyes
    on the other side of the fence - hoping for a treat
But it is a change that we felt we needed to make
and they are with a new family who is so excited to have them
The horses seemed very happy and content in their new field...
not knowing that it was 'theirs'
but trusting that they were safe.
So now we have changed into a family without horses
but still with ducks and chickens and cats and a hermit crab...
and a the most wonderful dog I have ever known...
so it's all still good
And as we really transition into autumn tonight
with frosty nights that give way to frosty days
and frosty days that lead to ice and snow in the months to come
we always and for ever have our God
The one who gets us through the changes
and is the only UNchangeable part of our lives
His unchangingness is what gets me through
I can handle the things that are always in flux around me
when I can keep my eyes on Him
and know that that center doesn't move or change
He is the anchor to it all
and I am anchored to Him
humbling to ponder
it takes my breath away
but I am so grateful

Thursday, September 9, 2010

another school year!

First week of school!
Three days into we go again.
We have even had our first field trip -
this morning we went to Big Top Chautauqua up by Bayfield
There was a special performance of
"Abraham Lincoln's Living Legacy" put on by the Chautauqua perfomers.
It was great.
Lots of good music and narration
good reminders of who Lincoln was and what he means even today
...a bit of political editorial thrown in
but I guess I can ignore that - sort of
funny that a lot of it would have saddened Lincoln though....
well, on to school work.
Tom is working on his math
we are trying to do some placement drills
see what he remembers and what needs to be reviewed
where is a good place to start.
'the very beginning' while a 'very good place to start'...
it is not always the best place :)
Hal is off to her classes for the day
Steve is of course at school
The house is pretty quiet
but still seems busy none the less.
It is always sort of hard to get back into the routine of school
I have to make myself be organized and on task
I am more naturally slow in the morning and not great at planning ahead
Teaching my kids at home is a constant reigning in of that putsyness
To my benefit I am sure.
I kind of kick in mid morning and am much better by then
I think this will be a good year.
Having a 7th grader will be fun!
Tom is even pretty enthusiastic....
though some of that is for my benefit - thanks Tom
So here is to the year!!!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

so long good buddy

After a lot of back and forth and 'what to do'
we decided that it is time to find new homes for our horses.
they just don't get the attention they need anymore.
not the easist decision.
With a bit of melancholy...
we said so long to our buddy Cocoa today.
He went to a great new home...
but he isn't here :(
We have had him, our pony, for 15 years
Tommy has never not had him out in the barn
Tommy actually wasn't thrilled with the decision,
but also doesn't spend much time with the horses
so understands - I guess
They have always been more 'Hallie Ann's horses'
though Cocoa has been kind of Tommy's
he is the one he can best ride...
but he needs to be ridden or driven more than every now and then -
So after harnessing him up and taking him for one more spin in the cart
and teaching the new owners the 'ropes'
he happily stepped into their trailer at our house
and later stepped out at a new farm
with a very happy little girl to welcome him
(Tommy said that he noticed that she didn't stop smiling
the whole time they were here picking Cocoa up -
that made him happy)
They called tonight and said he is doing great
already friends with their other 3 horses.
one is another pony...smaller than him
so now he gets to be 'big' for once.
I'll miss Cocoa
I'll miss his gentle brown eyes and soft muzzle
I'll miss his fuzzy heavy coat in winter
and his sleak fresh coat in the spring and summer
I'll miss him trotting to the barn to get grain or hay or greens
I'll miss saving my old bread for him (his favorite treat)
I'll even miss his stubborn streak
He was a very good friend
I bet the other two horses out in our barn are missing him too
Now he has plenty of clover and lots of attention
so he'll be fine
and so will we
but the barn will seem pretty empty without him.
Before long, hopefully we will find a home for the other two
hopefully together.
Then the barn will seem really empty
a part of our story will be ended
but a new part will start
and that will be good too.
So long good buddy - Cocoa
Thanks for being such a great little horse.
I hope you are VERY VERY happy at your new home
We'll come visit you sometime....

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

another day of letting go

I am up again in the wee hours of the morning
one of those nights when a million things
are whirling around in my head
and I just can't seem to quiet them.
I was challenged yesterday in my devotions
- to realize how completely God is directing my life
He is orchestrating it
I don't have to beg Him to lead me
He IS leading me.
as His child, I am in His care
and oh how tenderly He cares
that is a comfort right now,
especially when I think of those that I love
...but as I try to sleep tonight
I find myself fighting with fretful thoughts
about how some that I love are having to stuggle
I want to figure out a way to 'fix'  their stuggles
to reach in and make things easier
but that isn't my job anymore
never really was I suppose,
but for sure it isn't now.
so here I am acting like I doubt God's care for them
why do I struggle with the very thing that God is teaching me?
why now, after such clear teaching from the heart of God
about His faithful care and leading
do I begin to doubt the truth of it?
my heart doesn't doubt it
but my mind does
I toss and turn and worry
acting as if I don't beleive that God is watching out for them
when I know beyond a doubt
that their deepest desire is to follow and serve Him
is He not tenderly watching over them?
is he not carefully and purposefully leading them?
has He not shown this to be true
over and over and over.......
I absolutely know the answer to that
- absolutely.
so now, I have to let them go into His care.
another day of letting go.
another day of being reminded that I am not in charge
but One who is all wise
and all loving
and all knowing

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

I want to know Him

I love normal.
there is something in us...or me anyway...
that likes it when things stay the same
at least the good things.
after so many weeks of busy and 'not normal'
this morning I woke up to a regular day
Steve is home from moving Ryan and Rachel,
all the busyness is over
today is 'just' a summer day in Wisconsin
(at least so far)
It isn't a normal day for one of my best friends
she wakes this morning as a new grandma
her first grandchild was born yesterday
thats a GOOD 'not normal'
but will forever now be her new normal.
BUT this regularness isn't really what I should be aiming for
as good as it feels, comfort really isn't the goal.
In 'My Utmost for His Highest',
Oswald Chambers, yesterday, said
'we are not here to enjoy a quiet spiritual retreat'
wow, ok, that is convicting.
I would love to live my life out in a quiet retreat.
but seriously, that can't be what I am here for! 
Paul realizes in the Philippians that the reason that he is here
is to know God.  That is it. 
and in striving, always to know Him...
to look for Him in every situation...
to seek His will and His purpose in all that I do...
to always be yearning to know Him more....
to surrender to Him in everything...
I will be pointing others to Him too.
The point isn't what I am doing,
but who I am doing it for.
The end result is not the goal, but the journey is.
We are so goal oriented in our society.
I know I am, I love my lists
but the end becomes the goal
and really, we live in the process not the finish.
and the process has everything to do with my
relationship with Christ.
I don't want to be so caught up in clinging to 'normal'
that I lose the journey that He wanted me to have
and that journey is following Him
down His path
wherever that may lead
and it will never be normal.
or ordinary
but He will be there
so that is where Iwant to be
seeking Him.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

we have not gone this way before

I keep coming here to write,
and then leave having not really written anything
The past weeks - months I guess- have been so full and busy
Many things to think back on and ponder and sort through
Hard to put down in words I guess
On June 12th my Ryan married his sweetheart - Rachel
It was a beautiful wedding for two wonderful people
Now there is a new family!
The planning and orchestrating of the day
was really all Rachel and her mom's doing
They kept me up to date on the plans, but they did the leg work
and it was simply beautiful.
I was really pretty stressed early in the week of the wedding
It was a strange feeling, very anxious, which isn't really like me
Then as the week went on (and many prayers were said)
I felt a peace and comfort - a real change
and the rest of the week was fine.
Now, 3 weeks later, they have been home here for a couple of days
They honeymooned in Hawaii for 13 days and returned happy
and ready to push ahead with their future.
It has been great to see them
They are wonderfully different now
something amazing happens when two become one in marriage
their is a bond that is different
I just love the transition.
Mark and Steph have been over with them
and the family just feels good
Now Rachel is officially one of us and it feels more right.
I am so thankful that God is weaving all of this together
He has a plan and He is laying it out in front of us.
We don't really know where He is leading,
We have not gone this way before.
but we are trusting in the assurance that HE KNOWS
He HAS gone this way before -
so we just have to follow.
I heard a missionary speak recently about following God
on a road not familiar
How we have to have our focus not on the circumstances
but on God.
He said something to the effect that
When the road is a new one to us
remember - it is an old one to God
He has it all planned out -
and has had it planned from the beginning of time.
It is all familiar territory to Him.
Our family is branching off
and taking roads going in new and different directions-
Ryan and Rachel will leave soon for St. Louis
and a new home
and a new job (Ryan)
and Med School (Rachel)
and the next chapter of their life
Mark and Steph will continue to push ahead with their plans
and wait patiently for God's guidance and timing
Hallie Ann will start the adventure of college
Tommy and Steve and I will keep on following and trusting
It is all unknown and uncertain to us -
but none of it is unknown or uncertain to God
I am so glad that it isn't all about us
It IS all about God
This is all His story
I just have to let Him give me my next part day by day
After all the busy-ness of the this spring and summer
That is the best comfort that there is
Now, I just need a little peace and  quiet to re-charge
and then be ready for what ever is next.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

pondering friendship

The end of a Saturday. 
It has been a pretty busy one, but now the dark has fallen and I can sit a bit.  Ryan and Rachel are on their way here for the shower tomorrow.  Mark is over waiting for Steph to pick him up after she has spent the evening with some friends.  Tom and Steve just came in from outside where they had a sort of fire in the fire ring...mostly debris from the yard...just a quick fire.  Hal and I have been working on her open house invitations.  The printer of course isn't working right...maybe a new cartridge will help.  I am too cheap to buy new ones very often.  I re-fill the ones I have till they don't work any more - and it looks like this one is ready for the garbage.  So, since that won't work, I'll just write for a while.
The thing most on my heart today is the value of friends.
I was reminded this week - yesterday actually - of the fragileness of friendship.
And the preciousness of it.
I determined many years ago that friendship was too important to hold lightly.
I realized that I was (am) so flawed
And so are the people around me.
I made a committment to be fierce in my friendships
to hold them as in a vice-grip
I would have bad days and get frustrated
so would my friends.
I had to determine ahead of time that I would forgive before an offense even took place.
I refuse to let misunderstandings, slipped words, bad days, slights or whatever to ruin
relationships that I hold dear.
I get so tired of seeing people turn their backs on people because of some small thing, or even a bigger thing. 
Not that there aren't times when you have to walk away...
but not easily...
not without thought
not without effort to repair and heal
Why do we assume the worst of those that we love?
Why do we feel free to find fault in others -
- constantly
but when we learn that someone is irritated with us,
or is offended by us,
we get so indignant and self-righteous.
So after events of the last few hours...I am more determined
I have felt helplessness and sorrow
I have felt regret and shame
and I have experienced healing -
the delight and relief of mended fences
the gift of easy forgiveness - love as it should be.
God gifts us with friendship
It is not a gift without cost -
but it is a gift of priceless worth
I am overcome with thankfulness.

Friday, May 21, 2010

crazy days

I am in the middle of what I will call the crazy weeks of 2010. 
We have been to Ryan's college graduation on the 8th
to Rachel (his fiance's) graduation from college on the 15th
Will be going to Rachel's wedding shower here is Sunday
Hallie Ann's high school graduation is the 30th
The wedding is June 12th.
Beyond the obvious craziness of this
Is the fact that I love simplicity and quiet and lots of time margin.
It is the way I am wired.
Definitely more an introvert -
I get my 'recharge' from quiet and solitude...
I don't have the natural ability to thrive on deadlines and busyness.
So this is all a challenge for me...but then challenge is good.
My sister is the most energetic and organized person I know.
She is always doing something - always has purpose -
or so it seems to me.
I wish she were here to put all of this together for me.
But I'll make it through anyway.
Today I decided...
that Tom and I are just going to be done with school for the year.
We have a little left in his math book and his science book...
but then I never did finish a textbook in school growing up.
He isn't complaining about the extra week off -
He was out on the trampoline this afternoon
with the hose hooked up to the basketball net, spraying down on him
whooping and giggling and yelling "It's summer" at the top of his lungs. regret on being done with the daily 'classes with mom'
lets I offended?  ha ha....NO
(he maybe doesn't know that I am probably more ready than he to be finished :)
So, that is one thing I can cross off my list - 6th grade with Tom - check
Now for the next thing...
I will remind myself that June 13th is coming...and except for Hal's grad party in early July
the summer will be there to welcome me in time...

Sunday, May 9, 2010

pomp and circumstance

We went to Ryan's graduation from college yesterday.
When we were waiting for the light on the exit ramp
where we turn toward campus
I remembered waiting at that same light
July 2006
heading for freshman orientation
Everything was strange and unfamiliar
Now it was familiar to me and 'home' to him
Here we were waiting again
May 2010
heading for graduation
where in the world did that time go?
Ryan looked so handsome and so grown up
sharp shirt and tie, shiney shoes, square shoulders....
black gown, square 'hat'
such confidence and calmness - and excitement
many wonderful memories...
surrounded by friends made in shared days and studies
I am so proud of him
and so full of love and hope and prayers
God go with you Ryan
may His peace and strength be what holds you up 
and what you lean on every day
It has been an honor to be a part of your life
to raise you and love you
You are my joy
The privilege has been all mine.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

T-Tom Terrific

Tommy is 12
He is now the age that Mark was when Tommy was born.
This is my last year with someone younger than a teenager.
It's a day off school because birthday's always are at our house
at least for those of us studying school at home...
Steve and Hallie Ann have to go to a track meet,
so we will celebrate tomorrow as a family,
but Tom and I will celebrate today.
He is a reason to celebrate.
My heart swells when I consider what a gift he is
Back 'before Tom'
we thought we were all set as a family
mom, dad, son, son, and daughter
what could be better?
well----God knew one thing
from feelings of panic to excitement
he was on his way
and we have never been the same.
Makes me realize that change can definitely be good
God knows what He is doing
I thank God for Tommy and all he adds to us
Have a happy birthday are loved.


Thursday, April 8, 2010

becoming a mom

Today is a good day.
24 years ago today, I officially became a mom.
I could argue that I became a mom 9 months earlier than that.....
but April 8 is when I got to hold my very own baby for the 1st time.
I still remember what an awesome feeling that was.
For as long as I can remember,
that is what I wanted...
to be a mom
Now, I finally was
Mark was so beautiful
and so soft
and smelled so good.
He fit in my arms so perfectly.
I fell in love with every thing about him
I fell deeper in love every passing moment
I guess I still do.
I thank God for that little baby and for the man he has become
It has been a priviledge and an honor.
Happy Birthday Mark,
I truely truely love you.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

healing water

Tommy and I took a chance
and drove over to our favorite beach..
Yea! the ice was out up there!! 
The bay by us is still frozen,
but the beach is not as sheltered, nearer open water...
there, the ice was out! 
I can't even put in words what it does to me
to see WATER after the long months of ice. 
Growing up by the ocean,
I learned to find healing and rest by the water
There is something about gazing at the far horizon
and hearing the rhythm of the waves
and feeling small - yet a part of...
When the winter cold freezes the lake
it suddenly feels confined
and rigid
and unforgiving
When the ice goes out
it is like an old friend has made it home
I think I breathe easier
I know I find peace.
Once again, I find a reason to rejoice in spring!
And thank God for His faithfulness.

Monday, March 29, 2010

With all creation, I sing, Praise to the King of Kings

Holy Holy Holy
Is the Lord God Almighty
Who was, and is, and is to come.
With all creation, I sing
Praise to the King of Kings
You are my everythiing
and I will adore You.

If you could see the day dawning outside of my window
The sun streaming over the trees
you would certainly see creation singing praises to the King of Kings.

All I want is to join in the song.

It is a perfectly beautiful day outside. 
Just a hint of green here and there - one small snow pile on the north side of the pine trees
The frosty start is giving way to a rising thermometer - should get into the 50's
Tom and I decided it has to be a day off.
The day is calling us outside.

There would be no less glory in spring without the winter -
but winter makes me appreciate it more...
so I am thankful for the cold forbidding days...
and now I Rejoice in SPRING!!!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

It's all in the serve

Michael W. Smith has a song called "All in the Serve"
I like the song, but mostly I appreciate the truth there.
It IS all in the serve.
When I am given an opportunity by God to serve someone
I am overcome...overwhelmed with gratitude
and feel, then more than any other time,
that I am fulfilled -
I am doing what I was created to do.
I was given such an opportunity today,
and I have to admit,
it is such a blessing that it is hard to call it service.
What may have been a 'normal' day
is now an extraordinary day
Here is what really puts me in awe though -
Matthew 20:28 says
"...just as the Son of Man did not come to be served,
but to SERVE,
and to give His life a ransom for many."
Chris came to serve us.
How can that be?
The very creator of the world, 
came to serve those He created.
I think about how I feel when I serve someone
and dare to begin to imagine that Christ would feel the same 
toward serving ME...
That not only does He bend down to help and comfort and see me through
but it brings Him JOY.  
Once again, I am overwhelmed and broken by His grace.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Wow, another sunny day in March in Wisconsin!!
Go SUN!!!
It may even reach the 40's today.
I'll have to open the doors and air out the house :)
Tommy is outside in shorts, carving into the remains of the igloo and eating icicles.
It feels like spring is coming
...though I have lived here long enough

to know that that is not true...yet.
We may have a storm on Monday, but for today it is beautiful.
One thing so nice about this time of year,

is that when the sun IS out,
you can feel it.

In the dead of winter, it shines,
but doesn't really give us heat we can feel
If I am by the window today, the warmth is wonderful.

It is so good to know that even though winter is long -
Spring comes.
Every year.
God is faithful.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


I read a line in a book today (An Untroubled Heart by Micca Campbell)
She said "Whether God provides (what we are praying for) or simply (provides) the strength to endure, we have a place to run and find rest in His sanctuary until the storm passes"
That brings so many images into my mind.
It makes me think of being caught in a sudden storm and running to shelter and how good it feels to be 'in'....
or of playing tag and reaching home base before you're tagged and feeling so relieved.
I think of when you are little and hurt or afraid and running to mom or dad and being wrapped in their arms and pulled onto their lap and suddenly knowing all is well - someone else is there to take over and be strong and find strength and comfort and love.
I think of being married and turning to face all the loved ones there and holding the hand of the one who will now see you through it all - the feeling of belonging and strength and resolve that now you can see whatever through.
All these are what God wants us to feel about being with Him and being in His presence.
He wants us to live there in His presence.....continually find rest and peace and relief and safety and freedom from fear and strength and resolve to face whatever there is - under the shelter of His arms. His shadow - His covering over us.
When you were little and someone was chasing you and you ran to your dad and he stood ready to face and take on whomever. He pushed you behind him and stood strong between you and your pursuer. You weren't afraid anymore because daddy had you. He stood in the gap and nothing was going to get you.
(that whole 'my daddy is better than your daddy' thing...well, our 'daddy' is God for heaven sake - there is no comparison)
That is where we are with God.
We are in safety.
He has us.
Nothing is going to get us.
He is BIG
He is ABLE
He is before us and around us.
Stay with Him - He has us covered.
"don't be afraid," He says
Listen to Him
Listen to Joshua 1:9...Really Listen
Take it in
Believe it.
Joshua 1:9
"Have I not told you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified, do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

Saturday, February 20, 2010


oh, the joy of a quiet morning!
For some reason, no one is awake yet but me...
so here I am...
good hot coffee in hand..
sun streaming in the window...
smiling at the quiet.
I love Saturdays.
I love waking up and thinking its time to get up
then realizing it's Saturday and I can just relax I get up anyway and here I am....

Sunday, February 7, 2010


to stick with something,
to not give up,
to hold on all the way through,
to hang in there.
Today I need to remember to persevere.
It is so hard sometimes.
In Sunday School, part of our lesson was on perseverance.
Probably just for me - I am the one that needs it I think.
We talked about keeping with something - being committed to it.
The hardest part maybe is the hump in the middle.
When you've gotten through a lot of it, but there is a lot to go.
The end really isn't in sight yet.
So many areas of my life feel like that right now.
I have put in a lot of time and effort.........

but there is a lot more to do.
I know I can't give up, but to tell the truth,

I feel like it sometimes.
My mom always says that I get in this funk in the middle of winter
(which by the way is one of the 'humps')
I guess I do, which should give me hope,

since I always get through it...
Spring really does come!!!!
But now it ISN"T spring -
There are other struggles besides spring though
I am discouraged today over homeschooling.
It just feels like some things are so hard in coming,
like we're running in place.
I need to see progress is being made.
but then.......
I look more closely and there it is
I sometimes focus on one area, or some struggle
and forget to look at all the other areas
To see the big picture
(and the big picture holds way more than academics)
Just writing this out has helped
I am reminded why I do this all in the first place,
and that fills me with peace.
I AM where I need to be and want to be
I CAN persevere
I love the work of the Holy Spirit
I love the feel of HOPE

Friday, February 5, 2010


So, in the kitchen right now are Mark and Tommy. they are playing a rousing game of basketball with nerf balls and a plastic hoop on the front door. They are having a blast....laughing and competing.
Constant trash talk to each other, friendly but fierce.

It cracks me up.
Steph and Mark came over tonight to hang out - and so Mark could play with his little brother...well Tommy is in heaven.
Hallie and Steph are pretty happy together too.
Nights like this make me Tommy says about anything that is particularly heartwarming.
It is loud and the house is a mess and there is nowhere to escape for quiet - but it is perfect.
I am so thankful that the boys love to be together.
Even the 23 year old and the 11 year old.
Tommy has been doted on since the day he was born and it is cool to see that hasn't stopped.
My heart sings.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

oh, the privilege of prayer

We seem very entrenched in winter right now...a good bit of it has passed, but there is quite a bit left too. The groundhog, yesterday, said that there would be 6 more weeks. Well there is a surprise, ha. Since when would winter in northern Wisconsin not last until late March if not into April? Which would mean more like 7-8 more weeks...I guess I can hope that the groundhog is right, that there is ONLY 6 more weeks :)
I can get a bit wistful this time of year, remembering what it is like in the spring and sighing. I keep trying to imagine what it is like deep down under the snow. I know that my grass and flowers and dirt are down there somewhere. Sleeping. Hope they are having sweet dreams of bursting forth in a couple of months - I am ready to welcome them!!
We have been working on taxes and financial aid. Always a winter favorite. Whew, good thing we know that God is in control of it all. We are just going through the steps to do our part. I know He will do the rest. I look back now on the past 6 years of having the boys in college...2 of the years with both of them in college at the same time. I was so overwhelmed at first and couldn't imagine how we could ever afford this whole venture. It seemed insurmountable. What is so amazing now is looking back and seeing God's provision over and over again. They both got through!! They have some debt, but not the crushing debt that many have. God was so gracious as He provided through love and sacrifice. I am not as overwhelmed now with Hal. I have seen Gods faithfulness and I am not going to live in doubt now. I know that things will work out just as God wants them to and our part is to trust. What a blessed relief.
God keeps working on me. I am so thankful for His methodical, faithful, loving teaching. He is teaching me about prayer lately. I am reading a book about praying for my adult children. It is so good. I am realizing what an important role I still have to play in their lives. I have struggled with letting them go as they have grown up. It is hard to give up the job of mothering, even though giving it up is kind of the point of it all. I am realizing that I don't have to really give it up, just change my role. Now I can be their prayer warrior. I have always prayed for my kids, but now I think the need is there even more. I feel like God is giving me back my chance to mother, only now from my knees. I can be a part of their every day life, even if they don't realize it. I can cover them with prayer and that perhaps is the greatest gift I will ever give them. I love that God keeps entrusting me with more and more.
What I realize too is that I have been prayed over as well. I know that my mom has prayed for me over all of my life. I can see the evidence of her prayers everywhere. I would not be where I am today were it not for the prayers of my parents and grandparents and others that have loved me enough to pray for me. I think of the times (many) when God reached out and rescued me from situations I was in - ones where I could either not see how to get out, or I was too blind to see that I needed to get out...and I know that somewhere someone was praying for me. And that through their prayers, I was rescued. That is so incredibly humbling. I am so very grateful.
I want to get to the end of my life and KNOW that my children were prayed for, not just by others but by ME, their mom. I want to know that I was faithful in that one thing if nothing else. Hannah in the Old Testament said of Samuel, 'For this child I prayed'....I want to be able to say that too.
'For these children, I prayed'
I am thankful for the privilege, and awed at the trust God has put in me.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

this good day

The sun is steaming in the windows! It is beautiful out. It was -1 this morning when we woke up, but that didn't stop Steve and Tom from leaving before 7:00 to get out on the lake and drill their holes and drop their lines. I haven't heard from them yet, so don't know how the fishing is going. They went to an inland lake today, haven't been having the best of luck out on the big lake...We'll see if we have fish for dinner or not.
I am so glad it is the weekend. We actually had a really good week of school this week, but it is nice to have a day to catch up on all the other things.
The guys came home with 2 northern pike and a few panfish, so it was a good day! A fish dinner is in our future now!
Hallie Ann was supposed to work today but was called this afternoon and told they didn't need her - gift to me!! We spent a fun day together. What would I do without that girl (young woman I guess) in my life!
What a nice day this has been. Tommy with his fishing partner/ sweet daughter and me. Sometimes I think God gives us these perfect days as precious gifts to enjoy and savor. So many days are full of stress and busy-ness. Not enough time to get everything done. It is so good to have one that just goes right. Everyone is content at the end of it. All I can do is sigh contentedly. Who knows when the next one will be...but I have enjoyed this one!
Steph and Mark are over now too. Perfect way to cap off a day given to us by God! I am thankful.

Monday, January 4, 2010

glimpse of riches untold

Walking down my driveway earlier today, it looked like I was in the middle of a gem field. It is very cold and very sunny. There is a new layer of soft snow over everything. In the sun those tiny snowflakes glisten like a million tiny diamonds. As I walked the sun caught different facets of different crystals and the snow simply twinkled.
I really don't love winter, but days like today get me through it.
The cold air took my breath away.
I had to breath slowly to not shock my lungs
Nothing was exposed but my face
but the payoff was amazing.
No kings storehouse of jewels could compare to the glistening beauty right outside my door.
If this is what God shows off to anyone or no one...
...just because He can
What will the beauty of heaven be like?


I visited my neighbor a while ago. I love having good neighbors. I came home smiling just because I like being with her.
She has had a rough last few hours, fell down her stairs in the middle of the night and ended up going into the ER, just as a precaution to be sure she was ok...she was. She does so much for so many people, she is just plain worn out. Seems that our bodies sometimes just say 'enough'. Knowing her, she'll be back in the thick of things in a day or two, but for now she is resting. She doesn't like it much, but that is what she is doing. We all have to rest sometime.
God rested.
Not that He needed to, but because He was willing to show us what we need to do by example.
He rested, because He knew we would need to rest
and because resting is good.
We tend to think that being productive is the good thing
that every moment is best spent 'doing'
God says otherwise.
He says good things happen when we rest.
He asks us to rest.
Actually, He tells us to rest.
When I am stressed, my daughter tells me 'breathe mom'
what she means is
take a moment
catch my breath
slow down
consider - what is important here?
our usefulness to others and to God depends on it.
so today,