Saturday, May 22, 2010

pondering friendship

The end of a Saturday. 
It has been a pretty busy one, but now the dark has fallen and I can sit a bit.  Ryan and Rachel are on their way here for the shower tomorrow.  Mark is over waiting for Steph to pick him up after she has spent the evening with some friends.  Tom and Steve just came in from outside where they had a sort of fire in the fire ring...mostly debris from the yard...just a quick fire.  Hal and I have been working on her open house invitations.  The printer of course isn't working right...maybe a new cartridge will help.  I am too cheap to buy new ones very often.  I re-fill the ones I have till they don't work any more - and it looks like this one is ready for the garbage.  So, since that won't work, I'll just write for a while.
The thing most on my heart today is the value of friends.
I was reminded this week - yesterday actually - of the fragileness of friendship.
And the preciousness of it.
I determined many years ago that friendship was too important to hold lightly.
I realized that I was (am) so flawed
And so are the people around me.
I made a committment to be fierce in my friendships
to hold them as in a vice-grip
I would have bad days and get frustrated
so would my friends.
I had to determine ahead of time that I would forgive before an offense even took place.
I refuse to let misunderstandings, slipped words, bad days, slights or whatever to ruin
relationships that I hold dear.
I get so tired of seeing people turn their backs on people because of some small thing, or even a bigger thing. 
Not that there aren't times when you have to walk away...
but not easily...
not without thought
not without effort to repair and heal
Why do we assume the worst of those that we love?
Why do we feel free to find fault in others -
- constantly
but when we learn that someone is irritated with us,
or is offended by us,
we get so indignant and self-righteous.
So after events of the last few hours...I am more determined
I have felt helplessness and sorrow
I have felt regret and shame
and I have experienced healing -
the delight and relief of mended fences
the gift of easy forgiveness - love as it should be.
God gifts us with friendship
It is not a gift without cost -
but it is a gift of priceless worth
I am overcome with thankfulness.

Friday, May 21, 2010

crazy days

I am in the middle of what I will call the crazy weeks of 2010. 
We have been to Ryan's college graduation on the 8th
to Rachel (his fiance's) graduation from college on the 15th
Will be going to Rachel's wedding shower here is Sunday
Hallie Ann's high school graduation is the 30th
The wedding is June 12th.
Beyond the obvious craziness of this
Is the fact that I love simplicity and quiet and lots of time margin.
It is the way I am wired.
Definitely more an introvert -
I get my 'recharge' from quiet and solitude...
I don't have the natural ability to thrive on deadlines and busyness.
So this is all a challenge for me...but then challenge is good.
My sister is the most energetic and organized person I know.
She is always doing something - always has purpose -
or so it seems to me.
I wish she were here to put all of this together for me.
But I'll make it through anyway.
Today I decided...
that Tom and I are just going to be done with school for the year.
We have a little left in his math book and his science book...
but then I never did finish a textbook in school growing up.
He isn't complaining about the extra week off -
He was out on the trampoline this afternoon
with the hose hooked up to the basketball net, spraying down on him
whooping and giggling and yelling "It's summer" at the top of his lungs. regret on being done with the daily 'classes with mom'
lets I offended?  ha ha....NO
(he maybe doesn't know that I am probably more ready than he to be finished :)
So, that is one thing I can cross off my list - 6th grade with Tom - check
Now for the next thing...
I will remind myself that June 13th is coming...and except for Hal's grad party in early July
the summer will be there to welcome me in time...

Sunday, May 9, 2010

pomp and circumstance

We went to Ryan's graduation from college yesterday.
When we were waiting for the light on the exit ramp
where we turn toward campus
I remembered waiting at that same light
July 2006
heading for freshman orientation
Everything was strange and unfamiliar
Now it was familiar to me and 'home' to him
Here we were waiting again
May 2010
heading for graduation
where in the world did that time go?
Ryan looked so handsome and so grown up
sharp shirt and tie, shiney shoes, square shoulders....
black gown, square 'hat'
such confidence and calmness - and excitement
many wonderful memories...
surrounded by friends made in shared days and studies
I am so proud of him
and so full of love and hope and prayers
God go with you Ryan
may His peace and strength be what holds you up 
and what you lean on every day
It has been an honor to be a part of your life
to raise you and love you
You are my joy
The privilege has been all mine.