Saturday, September 19, 2009

climbing back up

Sep. 18, 2009

it has been one of those days. a sort of discouraged apathy sets in, i'm not sure why. sometimes everything i do just seems so pointless and daily. like nothing really gets accomplished, nothing that matters anyway. does the daily-ness mean anything at all? it was a quiet uneventful school day. fridays aren't our biggest push of the week. tom had a friend over for the day, they did some work, played, worked more...i felt like he should be doing something, but in the end i don't know if there was any real point. they probably would have gotten as much out of just exploring and playing all day. who ever made all the rules of schooling anyway?

i've been trying so hard to eat more healthy for the last several weeks. it has gone fine, but the last couple of days thats kind of gone too. i don't want to let it go, so i have to get back on that wagon..

ok, maybe this all has to do with turning 50....yes 50 this week. i don't even like to say it. i can't even pretend to be one of the young moms anymore. yet that is still how i feel. now some of the moms of the young kids were not even born when i had my first baby, and lots of them weren't born when i got married... that is just weird. i look in the mirror and don't even know who i am sometimes.

i remember when i turned 30, i loved it. i was finally really an adult...

when i turned 40 i hated it. that was really hard. i just wanted to be in my 30's all my life. somehow that seems to be the age that is taken seriously...

so how will i really take being 50? i guess we'll have to see.

so for now i am wallowing a a funk, but i'll get out.

the icing on this bitter pie is that tom broke another window today.. the 4th window broken by someone this year and the umpteenth in the past many years. we keep the glass store in business.

for the record i can't stand to replace glass.. but i suppose i am sort of good at it now.

now there is a skill i could live without

well, here's to a happy tomorrow, hopefully i'll sleep this one off :)

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